dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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