The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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