my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
