Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
