So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
