I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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