dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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