I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
