I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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