Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
