I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
