So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
