Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
