Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
