dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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