my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
