I wannas sexs uuuuu
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You need Xanax blowdarts
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize