I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
