drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
honey bunches of taint.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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