i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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