you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
