So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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