I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
