thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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