So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
