My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize