Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Come see our sink grown plant.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
