just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
