You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
