Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize