the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Less talking, more tequila
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
