Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
