there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
