im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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