i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
