I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
