You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
