i don't like sucking hair
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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