she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
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