the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
