So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
