Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
