theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
