Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
