You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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