while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
