Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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