Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
How external is "for external use only"?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
