so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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