He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
