Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
