Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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