just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize