They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
