Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
