What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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