We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
