I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
