fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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