things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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