Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
