I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
she looked like the before picture.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
