fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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