No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
